Being human allows us to seek our path in life that is outside of just surviving. But anytime there are infringements, limitations or boundaries set on that liberty, we immediately think that is unfair or unjust. After all, who does not want to live according to their own wishes, to pursue happiness as they deem fit?

There are a couple of things to consider when we talk about limitations or boundaries. Obviously, some rules are there for our protection and to ensure our safety, e.g. stopping at a red light or not stealing from others. These types of rules make sense because in reality, we are not individuals living in isolation from one another, but rather we are interconnected groups who live in and share the same communities, states and nations. In order to consider our wellbeing and the wellbeing of others, we are willing to abide by certain standards. I mean, I would much rather stick to the right side of the road while driving rather than wanting to exercise my ‘liberty’ to do as I please and drive on the left side, not knowing if I will make it home on a given day!

Going past that though, there are other rules we see all the time. I’m a huge fan of basketball. The purpose of the game is quite simple. There are two teams and the team who scores the most points wins. But anyone who watches basketball, or any other sports for that matter, knows there is a huge list of rules that are part of the game. You can’t just decide to go out of bounds to get around a defender, or walk/run with the ball without dribbling, or take more than twenty-four seconds to shoot the ball. If you try to, it’s a turnover because you broke one of the rules. Are these limitations a bad thing?

As a thought exercise, let’s pretend there are no rules and that we are allowed to play the way we want. What would be the result? A no holds barred, all out, chaotic game. With no rules, nothing prevents anyone from just holding a player to stop them from scoring, or eight players from the same team playing at the same time so they can score. In fact, that’s probably a game we don’t want to see! I absolutely love my kids, but when I see my five-year-old trying to ‘play’ soccer and there are ten kids in the same scrum trying to kick the ball, it’s not the most tantalizing twenty minutes. But once everyone agrees to the rules, now they can focus on getting better or becoming the best within that rule set. That essentially results in players who abide by the same rules as everyone else, to set themselves apart — the Bill Russells, Dr Js, Magic Johnsons, Michael Jordans, and Stephen Curry’s of the NBA world.

This of course does not apply just to sports. Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, a New York Times bestseller, mentions in her book, “The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you’ll be practicing healthy self-boundaries.” In fact, when you limit your ‘liberties’, you are actually becoming happier or becoming a better version of yourself. Why? Because you are quieting the noise around you and focussing on that which is most important to you — after all, wouldn’t that give you the most bang for the buck? We only have a finite number of hours in a day. Is it better to ‘invest’ your time on a quick thrill that will be forgotten in a few days or months or on something that will last much longer?

In religion and spirituality, the concept of limiting is important. The more you limit yourself in the indulgence or desire of worldly pleasures, you actually are experiencing liberty. No longer are you shackled by your urges, but in fact are free of them and find happiness and contentment in that which you have. This reminds me of a question that was asked to Pramukh Swami Maharaj. It revolved around the idea of living life according to rules or dharma or niyams:

Question: Effects of the 21st century and its technology can already be seen. What do you have to say on this?

Answer: If we live a virtuous life, there will be no ill effects on us of the 21st century. ‘Satya Yuga is coming,’ we hear the clarion call every day, but by living within the bounds of dharma and niyams, staying away from [addictions such as] alcohol, theft, corruption, etc., we are already living in Satya Yuga. If our life is pure, we are in Satya Yuga. If individuals do not progress within, we, in spite of being in the 21st century, are in the Stone Age.

Despite living in a time with massive advancements of resources, technology, and the sciences, can we say we are better off than those humans living in the Stone Age? According to Pramukh Swami Maharaj, the answer is no. Having more things does not equate to more progress or happiness — it’s our character that determines progress and happiness.

If you boil it down, what is it that we truly want in life? It seems pretty clear — happiness or as the Declaration of Independence puts it, the ability to pursue happiness as a right.

If all we want in life is to be happy, shouldn’t we already be so? The average age of an American today is 38.5 years (fun fact: the youngest country’s average age is Niger, at 14.8 years!). Shouldn’t we be good at understanding what makes us happy if we’ve been at it for 38.5 years?

As kids, typically, games and toys bring us joy, but that joy only lasts until it breaks or a new toy is received. As teenagers, it’s new clothes or phones; but that joy only lasts until new fashion trends start or the next iteration of the Samsung or iPhone device comes out. As young adults, it’s getting a good job or a car, but again, that satisfaction lasts only for so long. How about when we finally make some real money and can buy a house and can go on vacations? No doubt those things do bring us happiness, but lasting happiness seems to evade us as the house ages or we realize how much we actually have to pay to maintain it.

It seems most of our time, we go after materialistic things in the pursuit of happiness. We see the trends as we age, that we buy something because it’s new and shiny, but as the shine fades, so does our want for it. We then focus on the next thing and the cycle continues. If we know material things only bring us temporary happiness, why do we keep going back to that well?

Maya Angelou, a famous poet, author and civil rights activist, suggests a reason why we do this: “Somehow, we have come to the erroneous belief that we are all but flesh, blood and bones, and that’s all. So we direct our values to material things.”

Our pursuit of happiness is flawed precisely because we see ourselves as nothing but this physical and mortal body. While we may feel immortal, there are only two things that are certain according to Benjamin Franklin: death and taxes.

To seek true happiness, we have to think of ourselves as more than just this physical body. This is the essence of most religions around the world: to believe ourselves to be atma or soul. This all seems heavy, but in the end, the pursuit of happiness begins and ends with us understanding that we are more than this body. The liberty we seek isn’t just from tyranny, but liberation from material things — including our own bodies. It’s something that is absolutely difficult to do, but the only way to attain everlasting happiness.

Who knew that 35 years ago, as I started kindergarten, that the Declaration of Independence and my religion were trying to tell me the same thing all along?